Saturday, April 24, 2010

The War Within Me

It's amazing how life can change in an instant...just one small moment in time. One minute we're be-bopping along thinking we know exactly what we're doing, the next...wham! Life changes! Last Friday LIFE threw me another curve. 

You may already know that I am a cancer survivor. A year and a half ago, I had endometrial cancer. My doctors were able to rid my body of the cancer via surgery, which is much better than the alternative. I recovered fairly quickly thanks to new technology like robotic surgery. Since then, I've visited my oncologist, Dr. Reed, quite regularly for check-ups and lab work. My last clean bill of health was in November. 

Last Friday, I visited Dr. Reed again with CT images on cd and a little concern about some irregularities I had noticed. That is when one of those instant moments of change happened in my life. My cancer had returned. I have recurring endometrial cancer in my lung and one other place, not good news, but it could be worse. I cried a little, pulled myself together, and began the hour long drive home to tell my family. "I can handle this," I told myself. "We can handle this," I told my wonderful husband, Kevin. "I can handle this," I reassured the rest of my family and friends. "Help me handle this," I prayed to God. 

Dr. Reed gently told me to prepare myself for aggressive chemotherapy, three different toxins, lots of protein and water, weight gain, hair loss, nausea, pain, exhaustion, the whole bit. "OK. I can do this, one day at a time." Kevin and I are ready to fight this together, with the help of supportive friends and family. Pride will not be an obstacle in my recovery, our recovery. This is Kevin's cancer as much as it is mine. We are one, a perfect team. 

My body is at war with itself. I have decided to resume posting to this blog to help my friends stay abreast of what is going on in our struggle. Needless to say, the past week has been a whirlwind of doctor visits, phone calls, work preparations, home planning, you name it. I start chemo Monday. I have three days of chemo every three weeks until nine rounds are complete...6 months. I'll get a port to protect my skin from the strong chemicals: taxol, cisplatin, and adriamycin. 

Kevin's mom has taken me shopping for a wig and dress for my nephew, Sean's wedding in May. I don't mind going bald, but I don't want to scare the dickens out of Jack. It was fun to have something to look forward to. My mom is coming to take care of me and the kids Monday through Wednesday. My sister, Amanda, is coming to help at the end of the week. It's been an emotional roller-coaster for us all. Most people say, "Well, the least I can do is pray for you." That's not true. Prayer is the most you can do. Pray that we continue to be optimistic, faithful, and strong, that we will constantly be reminded of God's plan. If I have never told you before I love my life. God has given me more than I ever dreamed possible, my last request is to watch Jack grow up, with Kevin by my side.


Amanda Broome said...

Thanks for posting this. I love you!

Kristy & Tim said...

Hi Cindy,
Tim & I have been praying for you & Kevin & Jack. I am making you a
prayer shawl. There are many prayers
said as it is being made. I am using lots of red yarn, I know how
you like red. We will help you anyway we can. Love ya Bonnie & Tim

Beth said...

Just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you travel down this tough road. I am running a marathon next Sunday and I will be thinking of you the whole way. Your faith, positive attitude, and determination to overcome this will help keep me inspired to move forward one step at a time. Thank you for sharing.
Lots of love to you, Kevin, and Jack

brandy said...

Hi Cindy. My name is Brandy and I work with Kevin at Smithfield. He talks about you and Jack all the time : ) You have incredible strength. My prayers are with you, Kevin, and Jack and I will be sure to follow your progress through your up-coming journey and success ; )

Cindy said...

Thanks, Beth. Amanda and I miss you. When I am healthy again we should come up to visit you. The boys would have a blast! Does Cameron start Kindergarten this year? I'm glad to hear you are still running. I would love to run a marathon. I haven't been able to build my stamina. I tried last year, but had some hip pain. I haven't given up entirely, though. My brother-in-law, Tim, is also an inspiration to run. :)

Cindy said...

Brandy~Thank you SO much for your prayer and support. Kevin is blessed to work with so many supportive people at Smithfield. The outpouring of love and empathy has been amazing. :)

The Hagood's said...

Cindy~ I just want you to know that you are an amazing woman and so strong! You, Kevin, & Jack will be in my prayers! God has a perfect plan and even when it is hard to understand the plan know that it is perfect for you! Stay strong and positive! Lots of prayers, Katie

Pat McCarver said...

I'm here, sending prayers from my church, and positive thoughts for your time with chemo.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!! I have been soooo out of the loop!!! Last time I saw you was Jack's unbelievable bday party!!!! Your right, things can so change with a drop of a hat as we are b boppin thru life!!!! You are soooo going to fight this as you do everything else. You and your family are totally in my prayers!!! You & your family are always in such good spirits!!!!

Peace & Love,

Anonymous said...


I just found out your amazing story from Nikki Ivancic. I am in shock. I will say a prayer for the outpouring of grace to continue to flow to, in and through you and your family. You are such a light and lamp of hope, faith and love.

Rest in his spirit.

Lee O.