Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Watching...

When I was little, my mother used to remind me to behave with the admonition that "you never know who is watching." When I became a fourth grade teacher I cajoled my students to behave in the hall to earn "brag points" because you never know who is watching. Kevin and I make a big deal to our son, Jack, when someone brags on him when he doesn't know they were watching. It seems to be a pretty effective behavior management strategy...as long as someone is watching. I'm not sure why I am so surprised in my mid-30s to realize that people are still watching. When we learned I had endometrial cancer not quite two years ago, Kevin and I were completely humbled by the support of our friends, family, and community, even complete strangers. In 2008, cancer was a blessing to us. It was a fleeting reminder of God's plan for our family. Surgery went well. I didn't look like I had cancer. At times I even felt guilty that people were so concerned for me. The support was tremendous. People were watching. They were watching to see how we were, what kind of help we needed, and who knows what else. I do not bode well with attention. It's hard for me to endure that moment when someone hugs me tight.  It frightens me to think that a tear may fall before that final second of release. I don't know why...maybe it's my independence...control. What I have come to realize is that it's not people who are watching, it's God...through their eyes. I'm ok with that. I have learned to appreciate the hugs, the calls, the blessings, the notes, and especially the prayers. They are the visual reminder that God, indeed, is watching over my family and me. 

Thank you for all the reminders of the support that we have. Thank you for reminding me that God's control is enough. Thank you for becoming the friends that I didn't even know I had. Thank you for permission to be sick and the pep rallies that follow. 

Today is a beautiful day. I feel like me again. I was up early to take the kids to school. Kevin's mom often says...Every day is a gift from God. What you do with it is your gift to Him. Happy Tuesday, God. :)


5 comments:

Beth said...

So glad to hear you are feeling better today! Have a great day:)

Cindy said...

Amanda told me about shaving an hour off of your marathon time this weekend. Way to go! So proud of you!

Beth said...

Thanks! I wish it was an hour! It was just about 20 mins. Hope you feel well tomorrow too. Take care:)

Roberta said...

Thanks so much for this blog, Cindy. You are not only inspiring me and helping me to grow, but you are also educating me. While it it hard for me to read at times, I appreciate the detail that you are sharing with us. Please hang in there, girl!

Lisa Egan said...

Cindy, you're such a gifted writer! I love all the underlying warmth and faith that flow through your words. How can God not reward such loyalty? I suppose sometimes God's idea of "reward" is much different than ours, but I pray that God will reward you by keeping you here with us to carry on His voice. You're doing a superb job of it. Much prayer continues...