I've been pretty tough all along, but this past week has been a long one for me, emotionally that is. I struggled to sleep, focus on work...all the problems one has when worried. I have truly been optimistic about God's power to heal me the whole time. I was just anxious to meet with my doctor to know exactly where we are in this fight. Friday was the day of truth...to find out if the chemo is doing its job, conquering the cancer.
When I was diagnosed, Dr. Reed explained that it was bad and that IF my body didn't respond to the chemo I only had a year. I realize that these numbers don't apply to everyone. If that were the case, I would never have had this cancer in the first place...I'm too young, statistically. In quiet moments, I found myself sitting in the swing wondering if I would be here for Jack's 5th birthday. What about kindergarten and all those other benchmarks of childhood? My heart would break as I thought about Kevin and Jack and how their lives would change if I were gone. This strengthened my resolve and brought me back to reality each time. The truth of the matter is that I'm not promised tomorrow even without cancer. So, let that be a reminder to live in the present. Don't waste your day. Enjoy ever moment of it.
The hour long drive to the cancer center was agonizing for me. Kevin had to stop for me to use the restroom two or three times in the first ten minutes. I was so nervous. Then the headache came, a terrible one. I reclined my seat and closed my eyes to focus on being calm. I was just so nervous. Kev was very patient with me, as he usually is. The drive to Corinth is a pretty one, but the road isn't so good right now. The spring floods have really torn up the asphalt and the work they are doing to improve the road for Toyota and new supplier plants in the area doesn't help right now. So I felt even more miserable with my nervous stomach, killer migraine, the heat and bumps in the road. Honestly, it was like being in a "Shake n Bake" commercial, only I wasn't the cook. I knew God was in control, but I was just so nervous. I had not expected to be so nervous or feel so terrible.
Everyone at The West Clinic was friendly as usual, happy to see me. This was the first time I've ever said, "I feel puny," when they asked how I was. Same Friday routine...weigh in, blood pressure, blood work, wait forever for Dr. Reed. Kevin went back with me. When Doc came in, he was visibly excited when he said that he had my test results. This was encouraging. We had prayed for anything at all positive during this trip and didn't know what was realistic to expect. Dr. Reed explained that of the 11 spots originally on my lungs before starting chemo, only 1, yes ONE, is left. Seriously? That is amazing! I wanted to give him a high five, but said, "Thank you." He instantly replied, "No, Thank God!" Dr. Reed was as relieved as I was to have this news. Additionally, my blood counts were good. We will continue on my planned course of treatment, since it is working, to complete all eight planned cycles of chemo. I expect to finish up in October.
Dr. Reed is a little concerned about my daily headaches. So, I'm going for an MRI next week to make sure it isn't cancer related. I get stress-induced migraines, and chemo is hard on the body. In my heart, I really think it is the stress from the chemo causing headaches. We shall see. Either way, God will help us deal with it.
This weekend, though, we have some celebrating to do! My friend, Kim, has begged to keep Jack so he can play with her boys. So, Jack's going to play with Tristan and Ike tonight while Kevin and I go out. Thanks Kim! We are looking forward to it! Grandma and her friend, Mary Jo, took Jack to see Toy Story 3 yesterday afternoon while we were in Corinth. He came home with a brand new Buzz Lightyear from Toys R Us. Thanks Grandma! Jack loved it! It was WAY too much, though. Sunday evening we are looking forward to dinner with the Hanby's and Vaughn's. Monday, it's back to chemo. I'm hoping that I'm up to seeing Luz's friend, Marie, Thursday night before she returns to Germany. That's my goal after chemo.
I close with a scripture Brittany shared on my FB.
Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned; he was born blind so that God's works might be revealed in him." John 9:3